Before turning eh...25 and becoming old IMMEDIATELY, there were a lot of bad habits my body could tolerate and still operate at a high level. Sleep was an afterthought, exercising was unnecessary, and eating healthy was uncalled for. Why did I need to eat healthy? Didn't you see my album cover? Well now, a year and a half later, my bad habits caught up with me like FedEx (Overnight). Staying up late leaves me damaged like Danity Kane (remember them?). I'm no longer at my "fight" weight, and even getting feedback at the doctors. That's when you know you're getting old; the doctors actually says something after the check up. My doc started mentioning words like, "cholesterol" and "blood pressure", and suggested substituting burgers and shakes for carrots and grapes. The verbiage seems more appropriate for a man 46 instead of 26, but in an effort to be the black Channing Tatum, I'm cleaning out my fridge.
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| Acknowledge your past relationships, but don't dwell on them. |
There are times when "cleaning out the fridge" can apply to rejuvenating other aspects of our life. One of the areas that is often in need of consolidation is our fridge of former flames. Exes, former beaus, and people we used to talk to can be just like some of the things we pack in our freezers. Like leftovers, they were good before, but not as tasty the second time around; allowing them to stay too long can make your whole refrigerator smell unappealing. For those unable to "download" that analogy, sometimes keeping those old flames in your life can block some real blessings from entering your life. While some former loves actually add value to your life post-dating, most exes need to be removed, taking away your power, time, and progress.
Power
It's a sad sight to witness: a couple begins dating, they get along well, and are very attracted to each other. As the two being to grow in their relationship, there is an abrupt halt in their development. An ex has reared their ugly head, and they are not being dismissed immediately. That train is never late; the ex, seeing his past love happy (and realizing they had NOTHING to do with it) has renewed their interest. They have to know do they still have meaning or purpose in your life. It's a heat check, done by exes who are single or worse, in a new relationship. If the two of you were talking, and one sees the other looking sexy on Facebook, it stirs up the Ne-Yo in them. "I just wondered...Do you evvvverr...". You know the rest.
Because of the positive moments these people have brought to our lives, we overlook the reasons they are no longer a priority in our life, or the pain they have caused. Despite knowing they are no longer the best fit (if they ever were), we continually allow them to reside in our lives, giving them power and rights they are NOT owed. These exes know you still care for them, but are physically/mentally uncapable of reciprocity. This leads to you being continually disappointed and let down. Kanye said it best: no one man should have all that power.
Time
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| Worry this for too long may have caused B to miss "Jigga Man." |
The crazy thing about past relationships is how much relevance they maintain after they have come and gone. We continue to entertain these relationships and the unhealthy behavior which accompanies them, despite having the ability to walk away. Back, back, back and forth we go with these partners of our past; before we know it, weeks, months, years have passed and we still are dealing with the same old nonsense. This was my downfall for some time. Until earlier this year, I was holding onto a relationship from college...that ended in college! I walked in 2008, y'all. Yeah, you right...players mess up! There was a sense of comfort, however, in keeping her around. It wasn't an every day thing, but it was a relationship that had run its course.
Every time I attempted to restart that "car", it would leave me stranded somewhere, lost and frustrated as hell. Consider the time lost, opportunities to focus that attention on my projects. Imagine We're Just Talking in 2009 as opposed to 2011. We would be on NBC right now. Time waits for no one, folks; don't waste yours on lost love.
Progress
Draining a person of power and time are certainly reasons to extract one from your life, but the most concerning issue is the ability of a past suitor to deny us progress. The frustration of these relationships lead us to stagnancy in a multitude of ways. Because we invest so much time in understanding "why he doesn't appreciate me", or "what else can I do to show her I'm all she needs", we take time away from improving ourselves. Boosting our health or cleaning up our finances are actions that are pushed to the back burner and forgotten. In other instances, we attempt to better ourselves, known in many circles as "Doin' Me." Subconsciously, however, we do this in spite of our past dealings. We create an environment of seclusion; attempting to focus on ourselves as a result of less than stellar results while in a relationship. Doing so, we actually miss out on opportunities for finance and often romance, because we can't commit. Either the last situation still stings, we have not closed a door that needs to be shut, or we don't feel we are ready. Yes, we need to analyze THEN attack, but allowing our past to keep us frozen is fear is not acceptable. Presbyterian pastor Dr. Raymond Lindquist states, "Courage is the power to let go of the familiar".
As you work towards a better you, be sure you are always aware of what's in your "fridge". Some of the foods we enjoyed as a youth are not the food we should eat now that we've grown up. Relationships and dating provide a lot of happiness, but some of these experiences are only for a season. Let's be steadfast in our attempts to grow and improve, in or out of relationships. Though we do run into attractive, charming, and captivating people, they should not encompass our lives; they should only enhance them.
Very well said and excellent points thanks
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