"What's Up, Youngblood?": A Deeper Look At The Old School Player

They are found pretty much everywhere: at the supermarket, on the second floor at your job, and especially at family reunions. Though conspicuous in nature, this species is easy to spot. No I'm not talking about roaches, you heathen; I'm talking about the "Old School Player", aka a "piiimmmmp". Now it is important to differentiate between an Old School Player and a man who is simply "old school". My father, known affectionately as Charles Perry (please say the full name), is old school; he has traditional values, rough hands, and watches westerns like "Gunsmoke". An Old School Player (O.S.P) is different; they are commonly outlandish, shifty, and laugh really weird.

These well-tenured romeos carry great influence on the youth of America, specifically young males. Coming into contact with old school playas brings guys to a critical transition in life: the older men become an example for their younger counterparts. Gentlemen decide from two fates: buckling down and finding a good woman or eternal bachelorhood, as Sisqo says, "I'ma be a playa for life...YEAH YEAH YEAHHHHHHH!!!"

Ladies, it also benefits to know the characteristics of an OSP also, as you don't want to be laughed at for being 23 hugged up on a 47 year old brother named Curtis. Without further ado, here are the identifying traits of an Old School Player, broken down into three categories:

Dialect

Note the lime green color...Signature Old School Playa.

The OSP is widely recognized for his "3 in 1" greeting; he is guaranteed to say hi three times in one statement. Example: Man: "Hey Jimmy." OSP: "Hey there! What's up? How you living, cool breeze?" That is how you are commonly addressed. Secondly, Old School Players have a knack for telling wild, extravagant, outlandish stories, leaned in close and finishing with, "...we were wild, boy I tell ya." The signature of an OSP's vernacular, however, is their "mating call".

Old School Players always talk to their females REAL close, whispering so no one else can hear them but you know it's something mad freaky. It's normally goes like this: "Look at you with your fine self...you know I'll suck your toes, right?" Ilk, dawg! Sorry...this is supposed to unbiased observation.

Attire

Old School Players only wear suits; it is family tradition. They must adjust to the outside climate, so they have 4 types of suits: Dress suits, sweat suits, leisure suits, and lawsuits, because Old School Players has priors from '81. Footwear is also very important to this species. Our group never steps out without Stacy Adams; they are shiny, bright, and two tones. Finally, a "pimmmmmp" is not complete without his jewelry: Gold chains, gold rings, or huge sunglasses. Often they wear all three. Note this clip from famed sitcom "Martin", featuring legendary old school player character Jerome.

Family

The family is usually a definite when it comes to OSPs. They normally have children, many of which are close in age to the women they chase. While they are often focused on the ladies, their family is important to them. Be sure to listen carefully to an OSP about his ex; often it results in him showing off his knowledge of the "french" language. 

Always look out for these traits and more while out doing errands or typing up work. If you happen to hear the words, "I'm trying to get this party CRACK-A-LACKIN", tread carefully.