Ms. Independent is taking HGH (steroids) (Originally posted on 9/18/2010)

Hola, hola, hola…what’s going on? I apologize for the delay. I know it’s been a few days since we’ve talked; the mind needed to marinate. There has a been a number of issues circulating around my brain; pressure to write my next book, conflicts with work, and one many of us share, the everyday fight to reach financial stability and comfort. It’s safe to say most people are searching for a better quality of life (I’m about to BLOW UP!).

But enough of the malarkey; let’s get to “The Real”. Over the past decade we have seen a dramatic increase in the promotion of the single women and their self-sufficiency. It’s amazing how time flies; next month will “commemorate” the 10-year anniversary of Destiny’s Child smash hit “Independent Women Part 1” (Part 2 has a little knock to it lol). Now, by no means are B, Kelly, and Michelle the first to discuss this premise of not needing the brothers; Singers such as Janet Jackson (“What Have You Done for Me Lately”), Gwen Guthrie (“Ain’t Nothing Going on But the Rent”) and more have hinted of their ability to succeed without a male counterpart. But few female artists have benefitted from on promoting women empowerment more than Destiny Child, Beyonce’ in particular. “Me, Myself, and I”, “Irreplaceable”, and the champion of them all, “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)”, are just a few of the jammy-jams that have catapulted Ms. Knowles to the tippy-top. That and all those beautiful gifts God gave her. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, Jigga Man; but…Lawd have mercy.

As much I love Beyonce’ and the various females singers, I am always confused that  their female anthems, which women worldwide abide by as if they were the eleventh commandment, are never preceded by a disclaimer. According to the radio, there are few good men out here. Even worse, the few good men left can’t do anything the “independent woman” can’t do for herself. So every year, thousands of lovely ladies give up on relationships like The WB gave up on the Wayans Brothers. What fills the void? Material possessions and vain accomplishments, neither of which makes up for the most powerful emotion God allowed us to share: Love. In a scary turn of events, these songs have taken the “Miss Independent” Ne-Yo croons over and put her on steroids, that HGH. She has EVERYTHING. She doesn’t need you or anything you have. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t even need you to make love; she’s asexual (That was a joke; please don’t find a way to do that).

Now ladies I understand the importance of these artists and their music. During a bad breakup or unfortunate situation there are feelings of heartbreak and despair, and these anthems can be used as an instrument of comfort. There are, however, additional ways to overcome your pain and work to love again. There are often opportunities to re-establish yourself in your career goals or extracurricular activities. It’s a way to spend a little time away from the issue bothering you. You can still blast your female anthem of course, but I ask that you be cautious while listening to your mp3 player. A number of these songs are placing priority on the negative things and it is widening the gap between men and women.

While the lyrics seem so realistic and tailor-made for your situation, they’re not. The songs are written by someone who’s never met you, with the intent to sell records. And while there are true feelings integrated into the song, great writers embellish just slightly to drive home their point. Case in point; most of the artists who sing these songs are MARRIED. Beyonce’, she’s part of the power couple. Mary J. Blige? Chill; Kendu locked that up. I know you still got Keyshia Cole right? Nah, she’s at the Cavs game cheering her husband on.  More importantly, these women are just as successful as their husbands, if not more. Yet they still support and show appreciation for their mate, because a relationship is built on partners respecting and valuing each other.

In closing, I shared a conversation with an attractive woman who deemed it important to let all her male Facebook friends know she has her own car, her own apartment, and her own money. I’m glad that she has these things, but of what significance is that to a potential suitor? If you have these things, and you only find these minute possessions valuable, there is no need for us. We cannot do anything for you, and all men want to know we have an impact on your life. So while you may relate to being with a man who didn’t stack up to you, little remarks like “I can have another you by tomorrow” are building monuments of arrogance which seldom accomplishes anything.  An arrogant PERSON (man or woman) normally doesn’t find themselves putting a ring on anything.  Love y’all. Peace, appreciation, and Arroz con Pollo.