I've found myself visiting and sharing several posts from social news and entertainment site Buzzfeed; many of the posts not only amused me, but created moments of reflection. From 30 Signs You Went To A HBCU to "40 Things That Will Make You Feel Old", I've considered how certain aspects of my upbringing and education shaped me. That said I bring to you my own list, eleven essential life lessons learned in my journey to manhood. While some of these are specific to my role as Black man in America, most are still applicable to grown men of all ages.
1. Reality shows are the modern day crack rock.
What is something people fiend for, sets black people back, and is monitored by the government (in this case, the FCC)? While my father and those around for Reaganomics would probably answer "base", there is a new drug decimating the black perception and it's found on VH1 and Bravo. Many look at the shows as pure entertainment, but so were sitcoms such as The Cosby Show, A Different World, and Martin, without being mistaken for minstrel shows.
2. Social Network Personality > "Real" Life Personality...
Have you shared the experience of being a fan of a celebrity to the extent of following them on Twitter or Instagram, only to be disappointed when you see the annoying and excessive posts they make? Better yet, were you ever attracted to someone you met in person, only to find out they act an ass (or are an ass) on social networks? At this rate, the way you behave on Facebook will be just as important as how you act in public.
3. ...Yet They Can Cause You Grief.
People take social networks really seriously. I've had multiple former flames go Rich Homie Quan, feeling some type of way because I don't follow them or like their photos. Likewise, I've jumped the gun a few times responding to a subtweet, or a tweet that was a song lyric that could easily be interpreted as talking slick. My best suggestion? Listen to music before responding to anything you see on a social network, and before you post anything questionable, ask a Black guy (Kind of wish these companies did that, don't you?)
4. My Previous Relationships with Headphones Cause Me to Have Commitment Issues with Beats By Dre and Monster.
Yes I'm worse than Kimberly Elise in "Diary of a Mad Black Woman". Instead of moving on and being with an established, successful, loyal set of headphones, I stick with these tired, triflin', shiftless sets that keep getting a shortage or earbuds that can't deal with my needs. Ok I'm exaggerating and being a bit facetious, but it's really hard to spend the type of money these companies ask for headphones. For what...for them to break? Nah...I'm straight. Those commercials with Aloe Blacc really draw me in. "...I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man..."
5. R&B and Hip Hop Will Never Return to its Transcendent Sound, Or Even Reflect It.
Between singers trying to be rappers, rappers trying to be singers (auto tune), everyone trying to go pop, and no one caring about what comes out their mouth, our music collectively has descended into purgatory. The music industry is quite comparative to the NBA's Eastern Conference: 3 good teams, and everybody else is garbage. The less garbage teams makes the playoffs; similarly the least terrible artists get airplay and promotion.
6. You Can't Claim Victim if You're An Accomplice.
In prior years, my complaints about such topics as R&B music and Scandal (see previous blog) would fall on deaf ears as I would still participate in listening and watching the same things I found fault in. To quote the great director Robert Townsend in Meteor Man, "How can you complain...when you...do...nothing?" This principle applies for stagnancy in our careers, goals, and especially relationships.
7. Maintaining A Committed Loving Family is the Greatest, Most Fulfilling, Arduous, Hair Pulling, Heaven Sent Example of Manhood.
I don't even have a family yet, but you don't need to smoke crack to know the effects. While that is not a direct comparison of kids and crack rocks, it is apparent that building and keeping a family is a serious task. To find a person you love, reach a point of effective communication and compromise, create an environment worthy of starting a family, and not going crazy seems like task equivalent to striking it big in Hollywood. It's not impossible, but it's going to take "hella" work and prayer.
8. Whoever Smelt It...is Very Frequently the One Who Dealt It.
During our youth, this response served as a quick response to deflect an accusation of flatulence; as it turns out, this juvenile phrase applies to so much more. Be weary of the finger pointers.
9. "Cute" is Not a Compliment to a Man Or Anything He Does.
Every time a girl calls something of mine "cute", I think of "Buggin Out" from Do The Right Thing: "I'll slap you quick...two times!" Most things that hard working men are associated with require exactly that: hard work. You cannot be cute doing hard work. You can be handsome, attractive, even sexy (if the female is into hard working men). In addition your end result, be it a completed and well packaged product, should not be cute. Cute is demeaning and devaluing to a grown man. "Cute" is a 6 year old girl performing in her dance recital, not a project that took a 42 year old man 3 weeks to complete.
10. Your "Prime" is Not Directly Correlated To Your Age.
While the younger you may have enjoyed a faster metabolism and the ability to eat, drink, and party wild with little repercussions, it is not completely accurate you were your best during that time. Considering "Suburb Ced" (an angry, emotional, worse dressing version of myself) and how rash I could be in my decision making...I like modern day "Ceddy P". Even better, I'm just hitting my stride.
11. The Details Are The Difference.
As a college chap, just rocking a suit or wearing your jeans at your waist put you a notch above the rest. The real world is different. You're competing against a larger more developed pool. Think about sports; all rookies talk about the adjustment period. While different fields require different adjustments, one that remains constant is the accountability and set of standards. The element that sets apart the amazing from the average is the attention to detail. Whether it's a shoe shine or an extra review prior to sending an email, the little things leave the biggest effect.
-Ceddy P
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Thank you for posting!