"You might see me in the streets, but homie you don't KNOW...ME!"
T.I., "You Don't Know Me"
The quote applies to many more people and circumstances than the popular Atlanta rapper probably ever imagined. Based on our own experiences, we often make assumptions in life, steadfast in the thought we know exactly how a situation will turn out. Likewise, we take this stance with people. When meeting or interacting with someone, we tend to draw comparisons to people that generated a similar emotion from our earlier years. The actual conversation seems like Deja Vu, which leads us to react a certain way. This also causes us to think we KNOW how a person "is", treat them accordingly, and subconsciously try to predict their thoughts and actions. By most standards experience is the greatest teacher in life, but it is a dangerous game to ever think you really know a person without being around them frequently and also getting their input.
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| Why you acting like that, girl? Enjoy it with him, or call Aisha! |
As a "mild-mannered" male, this was never more apparent then in my romantic interactions with females in my bachelor days. With experience, intuition, and more magazines and daytime shows than one would ever need, females feel confident that they know men like the back of their hand. I'm sorry to tell you, Missy-Poos, but the back of your hands are looking unfamiliar.
There ARE some things that we desperately need you to understand about us; our ability to work together would be enhanced greatly. Take a look at a few elements of manhood that you DIDN'T know:
1. We're a proud people. Before we are men, we are humans. Pride is a emotion all humans carry, and males have a tank full of it. We evade embarrassment like a running back does tacklers, and at no point do we want to a.) be shown up in front of our girl b.) be shown up BY our girl. Girls, if you ever see a guy checking you out (noticeably) and he doesn't approach you, it's probably because there is some fear of getting shut down. The Temptations and TLC "ain't too proud to beg", but most men are (unless they THIRSTY...chill out bros.)
2. Men ARE all the same...well, kind of. Girls swear all guys are the same and want the same thing. Let's clear this statement up once and for all. If I said that I and let's say...Lil Wayne share the same goals, you'd try to slap me around and call me Suzy. Yet after breaking us down to our foundation, you'd probably find that we desire the same things: respect, financial comfort, love/intimacy, and to have an occasional good time. The difference, however, lies in the approach. While I would probably write, save my money, treat women right, and go see a movie (respectively) to obtain my goals, "Weezy" (or the character he portrays) would talk about drugs, rap about drugs, give a girl drugs, or take some drugs. (No offense, Wayne; just trying to make a point here.) There are few better examples which highlight the quote, "It is not the destination, but the journey." Many men share the same ending point, we just take different routes. It is REALLY important to know what GPS a man uses.
3. We're also not that different from you. OHHHHH...didn't know that, huh? Emotion, desire to be heard... we share quite a few qualities. Though deceiving at first glance, it makes more sense in theory: we come from your womb, reacting as products of our environment. Take our dating patterns for example. In certain circles a saying goes, "Women date the bad boys, and marry the good ones" (a terrible thought, considering that the good guys are left to clean up the china shop after the bull departs). Now consider males. Under normal circumstance where a man dates and is intimate somewhat consistently, he doesn't marry the "freak jawn"; Momma doesn't meet "Loose Booty". Furthermore, the recent advice forays of Steve Harvey and others have narrowed the gap even more.
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| All that hate is bad for your sugar levels...oh, and it damages the relationship. |
4. No man likes a hater. The female hater can be categorized in 4 ways (all of which annoy men): The self hater, the social hater, the man hater, and the beau hater. Self hater cannot receive compliments without saying, "No I'm ugly", "You're just saying that", or "Don't look at my fat!" (When you are eyeing her.) Woman! I said you look good...accept it, know it, BECOME it. A social hater hates all things or people that are beloved by the majority of America.
Typical examples of things/people she hates are: Beyonce, going out with friends, whatever the hot new movie is, etc. Spare us of your hatred of everything. Grandma Andrews says, "If you can't say anything nice, go to sleep." Something like that. The man hater is DISGUSTED by anyone associated with the word "man"; She doesn't even call herself "woman" or "female" anymore, she's a lady. Finally, the beau hater is someone who hates her boyfriend/husband. She talks bad about him and to him, leaving everyone wondering why she's still there. No man enjoys "Angry (fill in the race) Woman"; if there is a healthy amount of hate in your heart...let it out.
5. Balance is the key. Earlier in the blog, we discussed men not bringing the "freak" home to Mom. Any one qualified in meeting family is a woman of class and value. However, men do want to know you have the ability to "express" your feelings for us. There should be no debate about where your feelings lie. The key to this is having balance; there are few greater things than an affectionate woman who is also cognizant of her surroundings. Balance applies to several aspects in a woman's dealings with her man. These include: being assertive, but knowing when to let her man be a man; sexy, but not overly revealing; and social, yet not too flirtatious. The woman in a male/female relationship is a point guard; she determines the situation and what personality is appropriate.
6. About this "friend" thing... Um...yeah. As a mature man, I can now tell you that 97.3% of men have or had a female friend category, also known as "Sisters", "Homies", "Peoples". This category consists of the following: former flames, women we couldn't close the deal with, women with boyfriends, women we are not attracted to, and (very rarely) real female friends. This is pretty much a consistent definition among men. Women are much more capable of a platonic only relationship, while MOST men enjoy the company of women to the point of wanting to date them. With this said, we are weary of other males claiming to be "just a friend". Just as you'd be...uneasy about a young/attractive woman around your man, the same feeling goes with guys.
7. We need you. A true man recognizes he is capable of great things upon meeting the right woman. While he can achieve much on his own, the love a woman provides places life in a new perspective. We strive to be better human beings, friends, lovers...for you. You give us a reason to work harder, eat better, and thank God almighty for delivering a great blessing.
Consider these thoughts as you continue to work in your relationship or seek a new love. Used as guidelines with most men, ladies can practice in social settings and see how they impact your guy "friends". As in my other blogs, the goal is to bring the sides closer. As women take an interest in learning about men on a emotional level, we can create better environments for us to interact in.
Ceddy P
Cedric Perry is a producer, blogger, and author of the novels “In Line for Love” and “Homecoming”. Currently he produces the web sitcom “We’re Just Talking” and hosts “Pick 6″, a talk show which discusses everyday issues, highlighting how to successfully maneuver through them. For more, follow him on twitter at @chrisbrown_skin and check out his blog at www.cedsconfessions.com.
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