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Playa Hating From The Sideline: Who's Really Plotting On Your Boo

I see you creeping in the background. You're not slick; fall back.

The "you" I'm referring to is the current or future guy who meddles in my relationship. I'm not trying to speak this travesty into existence, or bore you by blabbering on about my love life. The topic is being addressed because the playa hater aka "crab in a bucket", "Buster" Douglas, or PB (doesn't stand for peanut butter) is on the prowl, and their tactics can cause serious detriment to those looking for love. In an early episode of the classic TV sitcom, "Martin", the title character becomes concerned when Gina begins to hang out with a male coworker named Wallace. His entry into Gina's circle was that he participated in tasks men generally hate, like shoe shopping.

Your girl and her best friend: They're just so close...
so close...too damn close.
While Wallace was not actually pushing up on Gina, there are plenty of men (and women...ladies, keep an eye out) that maintain relevance in your boo's life by perpetrating a fraud. They (the playa hater) put forth a dishonorable effort, masquerading behind innocence and capitalizing on your mistakes. Get in an argument with your girl, and the playa hater comforts them, explaining what they would have done as an alternative. 

Pick a terrible gift, and the P.H. hooks your beau up with a gift basket, filled with nostalgic gifts reminding them of the past (Do you "remember the time"? He just went Michael Jackson on you.) In a world saturated with greedy people more concerned with taking others' possessions than finding their own, you must always protect your love or future love. This starts by treating your significant other well, and continues with observing the characters in your environment. Truthfully, anyone could be a threat to your relationship, but there are some in particular who deserve a very watchful eye. Here's the top culprits of player hatred:

The Ex-Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Is this the same ex your were telling me about? This is the one that was cheating on you 3 out of the 4 years you were dating? No way...he's gone through a complete overhaul...in about 6 days! We have official analysis (that we just made up) showing a correlation between people finding new relationships and their exes finding Christ. When women move on, their exes are fueled (temporarily) by their pride being hurt and look to wiggle back into contention, like an washed up prizefighter. 

Watch out for dudes walking up to your girl
saying, "I just wonder...."
After guys get a new lady, their exes become a little vindictive. Some of their signature moves include: Liking pictures of you and your new girl (reverse psychology), denying ever caring for you (evil), and dressing incredibly sexy to make you pay attention (spite). To simplify this concept, exes are consciously and subconsciously bothered that you are doing okay without them; they cannot accept that they were not the ultimate source of your happiness. 


On the flip side, you are appealing again now that you have regained your mojo (Jo-Jo). Despite the beau trying to move on (specifically by talking to/dating you), the ex often attempts to capitalize on past feelings so be weary and handle with firm but care.

Best Friend

AND THEY SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND...AND THEY SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND! 

When I was a teen, still wet behind the ears and unknowing about the nuances of dating, I prematurely stated  that if you're a good mate, you should not be concerned or worried if your beau has a friend. You should trust your partner and that's that. 

Then my parents taught me how to drive. 

My parents were always on me, playing me tight like jeans on teenagers. I never understood until one day my mother explained why they were so tough on me. She told me that she was not as concerned about me on the road as she was with the crazy drivers around me. The theory holds true in relationships, specifically with best friends. Do men trust their women? Yes. Do we trust men around our women? Hell no....HELL NO! The best friend can be separated in two categories: Con-Men and Opportunists. 

The con-men are co-horts (often males) that use an age-old technique that is misread very rarely. The con-men possess intimate feelings for your partner that they suppress and disguise to themselves and others through a friendship. All the things you suck at are what they excel in, and your failures remind your boo what the con-men is proficient at. In the case of the Opportunist, this is actually YOUR close friend, the person who knows the inner workings of your relationship and your lover, both bad AND good. While the opportunist is very rare, just...pay attention. If she will borrow your blouse, she will borrow your man. 

Close Calls

Before you stumbled onto this new relationship, your were trying to find a connection with another person (or persons). You were searching for a companion; we all "dilly dally in the alley in our Ballys." Included in that "all" group is your new mate. They also talked and dated before you, but because you were so incredible you beat out those known as...the "close calls". I say to you, like TJ Holmes on BET, don't sleep; close calls are not as far removed as you would assume. Irony lives in their nickname, and without proper treatment of your boo-thang, you will become a lot familiar with your love's close call(s) through unfortunate circumstances.

Though these playa haters are out here and frequently looking for a way into your humble abode, do not lose sight of the positives. Most people involved in relationships are aware of the commitment required and do not take it lightly. Secondly, your boo loves you and are their happiest when spending time with you. Taking this in consideration, be careful not to take your situation for granted. While you are out acting up, flirting a little too hard, or in the club "shaking yo *ss for cash" as we say, your playa haters are taking notice and forming a plan. Next thing you know, they've put you down, stole your money...stole your GIRL. So handle your business, playboy! Ladies, don't get lax either...playa haters are out there.


SN: Check out my latest episode of my talk show Pick 6, "Reasons We Love HBCUs"!




More Confessions...















For more on writer Cedric Perry and "Confessions of a Big Dreamer", like the page at www.facebook.com/cedsconfessionsAlso, follow us on twitter @cedsconfessions.

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