Like most people in their 9-5 work endeavors, I enjoy very interesting conversations. My coworkers and I are a family of sorts..a multiracial family who commonly disagree due to differences in age and upbringing. Despite the difference in opinion, we are able to discuss a number of topics considered taboo, including money, reality television, relationships, and even sex. The scenario is usually the same: two people are discussing the subject, and another party is ear hustling and joins the fray. This opens the floor for discussion, "everybody gets their cups, now they CAN chip in" (Snoop remix).
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| Sorry Romeo and girl from Disney, this "Master P" has limits. |
One of our most interesting conversations took place Thursday. The coworker who sits next to me asked me about the double standard of promiscuity during relationships. It was presented to me informally, but "the double standard of promiscuity during relationships" makes me sound extremely intelligent. She asked me why it's ok for men to sleep around, but when women replicate this action, it is considered headline news. The answer ("It's not ok for men either, but to make this convo funny, it's a pride issue.") led to a male coworker stating, "We hate thinking of women we slept with...sleeping with someone else! Doesn't matter if it's our first love from 91!"
1991? While you still had the curl, and Al B Sure! was atop the charts?
This unique response prompts the question...who is off limits to sleep with from your past, present, and (if necessary) future love life? As it turns out, both men and women have a few flames that are in a "No Fly Zone", so to speak. For the people eyeing a male or female that has a past with someone close to you (heathen), a list was created to help those confused. Here is the list of "No Hit Wonders":
In order of offense level, from least to greatest:
1. That lady/dude by your job that you have as a backup in case your beau leaves you. You never give this person more than friendly conversation and a smile. Your closest friend at work, however, knows that if your beau starts sleeping around or randomly began using crack rocks, this would be your target. So if your coworker "suddenly" became attracted to your backup plan, they should expect to "suddenly" be tripped.
2. Homie that you were talking to for a minute; y'all should've made it, but the economy was bad...you had a bad hamstring...something. Everybody has that one they should have sealed the deal with. For whatever reason, it never happened. Maybe she had issues; maybe the day it was going to happen, your breath was only 70% fresh and not 100%. So you didnt (insert Mortal Kombat voice) FINISH IT.
Doesn't matter; they're off limits.
Now a key point must be made for this category: you had to hook up with this person at least twice. This can't be the mistake caused from tequila, and it definitely can't be the women you were too in love with to speak to. She walking past, and you're still singing "I'm Ready" by Tevin Campbell.
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| They're "Just a Friend"? A "friend" had Mario dancing all up and down the street. |
3. The "Best Friend". Watch that best friend, y'all. No matter the gender; sometimes, it doesn't matter the sexual preference (watch the Spike Lee Joint "She's Gotta Have It") they often lurk, like a young Usher in "U Make Me Wanna". Experiencing this particular circumstance as the "best friend", having a "best friend", and dating a woman with a "best friend", I know it can be a hurdle for many relationships. An example is when one of the parties involved gets upset when their best friend dates or sleeps with a new person. It seems odd for a friend to be so upset over someone they are not intimate with, but that friendly connection seems to stir up emotions most don't know they have.
4. Baby Mamas/Daddies. As tired, shiftless, ignorant, vengeful, and low-down as the parent of your child may be, you NEVER want to hear about somebody sleeping with your baby daddy/mama...for several reasons. One, the more bodies they pick up, the more potential "bull-shiggity" (as @scoopoffro says) you and your child have to deal with. Secondly, when you are forced to think about them, an emotion is produced you would prefer not to emit. Whether it is disgust, nausea, regret, or disappointment in yourself for ever consummating the relationship, there are thoughts running around that we wish were not present.
5. (e)X-Men. Yeah, it's the past. She broke up with your fraternity brother 2 years ago. He's moved on from his hot ex-girlfriend, right? It will be okay, right?
Wrong.
They still went together. He still sees her mother at the bank. They still have pictures up on Facebook, smiling like they are from an 80's sitcom. There are hundreds of million of women out here; avoid the exes.
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| Hard to get rebounds when you know your ex is courtside with Kan-yeezy. |
6. Current Boy/Girlfriends, Husband/Wives. So simple..yet so deviant. You would think we would not have to discuss this, but...people plot on your boo. As stated in "Newly Drafted Boyfriend", being in a relationship increases your appeal. Your abilities as a partner are constantly on display, and it gives observers the "hots" for you. Think I'm lying? Chris, a little help? Thank you, Mr. Rock. That now extends to the "bros" too. Most of us cling to that cliche (excuse my french), "Bros before H*es", or "Homies over H*es" (Do the Homie!).
Kill that noise. You don't marry the homies. You don't have children with the homies. If Memphis Bleek slept with Beyonce, would that just be okay with Jigga Man? Is that hot in the streets of Marcy Projects?
I think not.
We now have a concrete list of who is off limits to date, talk, or sleep with from your close friends or associates' rolodex. For the friend/associate in question, if you did not have any verbal or physical contact with that person, or the potential date NEVER wanted you, these rules DO NOT APPLY. The minimum is two hookups...at least two. Consider the previous, and discuss amongst yourselves. Peace.
Ceddy P
Click here to take the poll on who is off limits from your love life!
More Confessions...
For more on writer Cedric Perry and "Confessions of a Big Dreamer", like the page at www.facebook.com/cedsconfessions. Also, follow us on twitter @cedsconfessions.
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