October 5th marked the birthday of my father Charles Perry. As a fireman, mentor, social commentator, and home renovator, Mr. Perry is one of a dying breed. Born in the fields of Georgia, "Deddy" is one of eleven children born to Mary (Say it like Jackee Harry) Perry. The family eventually moved to Paterson, NJ before he attended college and eventually started a family here in Trenton. These moves were important to the development of Charles Perry (Yes, say the full name like A Tribe Called Quest and A Pimp Named Slickback); he is an educated man ingrained with family values. He practices (and preaches) hard work and treats people fairly until they lose their privileges. In conversation he offers insight and honesty; though his words are often tougher than overcooked steak, they always provide you something to consider. Above all, Dad embodies the essential qualities of a man; he established a precedent for us to follow and exceed.
While Charles Perry has taught my siblings and I how to be good people, some of his lessons were accidental. Looking back over the years, it is now apparent that some of his most important teachings were not of his own doing. Lessons were his "thing"; we learned lessons during sports, "The Price is Right", painting, "Gunsmoke" marathons, and of course home renovation. As we celebrate 55 years of..."Perry"(as my Marketing professor Dr. Johnson used to say), join me in highlighting the teachings of a man, ones of incident and accident.
Incident
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| Few things please Charles like working on his home. |
Tiling and Profiling- Charles Perry doesn't really pay a lot of people to repair or renovate in his house. Downstairs bathroom, upstairs bathroom, the family room, the pool, the deck...he pretty much did all that. There was no need to; he has 7 brothers, and more importantly, he has 3 sons. We had no chance, man. Any time there was a restoration project (and there ALWAYS was a restoration project), we were brought in to help. I've been laying sheet rock since I was 12.
Dad didn't do all that work and use us because he was cheap...well, that wasn't the only reason. He used it as an opportunity to show us how to fix things if we needed to. It used to confuse and annoy me until I learned the purpose of our constant runs to Home Depot. When I got to college, and there was no dad to help me fix things, I knew how to fend for myself. If (and when) my car broke down, I could do a few tricks to get it started. Secondly, you begin to feel real manly when you can do for yourself and others. Imagine your girl gets a flat tire. She calls you, and you have to call another guy to get help. Mmm...struggle.
The Ladies- I used to HATE talking to my father about my love life. He's too honest. It's annoying when someone is telling you the right thing to do when you don't want to do it. Quick story: I was dating this one lady and it was not working out. She just wouldn't commit. One day I helped Charles Perry clean the pool. I said, "Deddy, me and her went our separate ways. At the end of the day, she's not ready for a relationship." Without turning to look at me he responded, "Possibly. She may just not want to be in a relationship...with you. MMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! I hate you! His words were appalling, but later as I peeled back his layers of ignorance like a grapefruit, it dawned on me there was some truth to it. If I didn't come to terms with that, I'd be in for some heartbroken days.
He's not the person to talk to if you want to stay stuck on stupid. If you want to give yourself an opportunity to find someone who is ready for you, he can offer a word of advice. His blunt words were needed; as a teen and college stud, I was too nice. I needed him; he showed me being nice and being weak were at the opposite ends of the spectrum.
Accident
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| Even as young Chuck, Dad incorporated "cool" in all his activities. |
Ne-Yo -My parents split when I was six and during my adolescent years there was a lot of resentment towards him for it. He still lived close, but it wasn't right; at the minimum, it wasn't fair. My reaction to his departure was an extreme desire to be the exact opposite of him. The only misstep in my theory was that I did not know who he was. My anger created an incorrect image of my father, for portraying him as a monster.
As a result, I lived by the book; it became the "Year of the Gentleman". Rarely straying off the beaten path, it wasn't until experiencing struggles in becoming a man that learning who my dad really was became important. As we became "Closer" (Do the Closer Dance) I realized how similar we were, and how building the relationship could make me a better person.
Make That Paper
My dad talks about saving and investing like last night's sports final. In his house, there wasn't any Barry Bonds; it was Savings Bonds. His frequent forays into finance slowly but surely seeped into my pores. He constantly spoke of sacrificing outlandish and unneeded purchases to build towards things of value. The message of Charles Perry began to take form when his house began to take shape, and he began to afford not only objects of necessity, but of desire. My father loves old cars. When talks of purchasing '67 Camaros and old 'Vettes became more prevalent, it was obvious he was practiced what he preached, and what he preached actually WORKED. It's an eye-opening experience discovering your parents know what they are talking about; realizing that pushed me to seek as much knowledge as possible.
By any name, my dad is a special person that leaves an impact on anyone he meets. As "Mr. Perry", he provides counsel, wisdom, and knowledge to my friends and young people in the community. "Uncle Charles" offers a living example of what hard work, respect, and great barbecuing can bring you. "Charles Perry", the character I have created for my readers and close acquaintances, has become immediate grounds for laughter and discussion; his name along sparks a smile. As "Deddy" however, he has laid the framework for myself, Malcolm, Danielle, and Cameron to be positive, successful, respectable citizens. For that, Dad, you are truly a Renaissance Man.
Ceddy P
For more on writer Cedric Perry and "Confessions of a Big Dreamer", like the page at www.facebook.com/cedsconfessions. Also, follow us on twitter @cedsconfessions.
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