Batman or Bond: What to Bring on Date Night and Where to Stash It

Though I'm more of a relationship person, there are a few exciting components of being single. One of my favorite elements of bachelor status are date nights; the evening plays out like a football game, with the required preparation and implementing of game plan. Like most winning football franchises, successful dates revolve around a star player (you), a strategy (well-planned date), and "role players". So what, pray tell, are role players on an evening out?

The accessories, of course.

When you're this close, you better have the right tools.

The "accessories" are the details or items that allow your date to flow; their primary objective is to maintain your date's focus on your positives. These include freshening your breath, avoiding chapped lips, and more. Not only are OWNING the right accessories important, but so is where you HOLD them.

As a man, it is considered a fashion "faux pas" (Google it) to carry a lot of crap in your pockets; let's not look like an apartment superintendent. Ladies, we'd prefer not to wait 30 minutes while you dig in your luggage purse, but we will, so this is geared more toward the brothers. In hopes of trying to improve each guy (and woman's) experience, my friends and I have developed the "Batman or Bond" theory to assist you. As many Dark Knight enthusiasts will tell you, Batman is known for having his assortments of weapons on his Utility Belt; his artillery all at his disposal. On the contrary, the famed fictional Secret Service agent James Bond was famous for keeping his gadgets hidden, i.e. the cigarette that shoots a rocket. It's important to know which of your accessories you should keep on you, and which to hide in your glove compartment or at the home. Here's a list of both sets of additions to clear up the confusion:

"BATMAN" Accessories (Those to keep on/near your body):

Gum/Mints- Never allow your breath to reach sweltering temperature levels
Cash- Just in case the card gets de-magnetized, unknown charge, etc.
Chap Stick- Increase your "marketability" by keeping the lips crack-free
Allergy pill (Non-drowsy)- Watery eyes? Sneezing on your date? No, my brother.

"BOND" Accessories (Those to keep out of sight)

Case of Tic-Tacs - Makes WAY too much noise while walking; sounds stupid
Condoms- HAVE them, but the sight of them makes you look too hype. "So you KNOW you getting drawers tonight, huh?"
Umbrella- Nothing worse than an unexpected rainy night with no protection
"Smell Goods"- Spray your cologne early, and just enough to last you the evening
Your phone- If she got her phone all out, push the tempo. You keep yours away.
Lotion/Cocoa Butter- As "Big Head Brian" says, "Gotta fight that white beast."

These are things that seem like common sense, but let's not put it to chance. If you're unsure about carrying an item (unless it's money related), hide it. It's good to have light pockets; you may need to carry something for the lady or, worse case scenario, you may need to run from a criminal. Neither of these situations call for bulging pockets. With these adjustments, you give yourself a great chance to be "in the game" late in the 4th quarter.

Staying smooth on those special nights
can help build a special "Bond".

"What's Up, Youngblood?": A Deeper Look At The Old School Player

They are found pretty much everywhere: at the supermarket, on the second floor at your job, and especially at family reunions. Though conspicuous in nature, this species is easy to spot. No I'm not talking about roaches, you heathen; I'm talking about the "Old School Player", aka a "piiimmmmp". Now it is important to differentiate between an Old School Player and a man who is simply "old school". My father, known affectionately as Charles Perry (please say the full name), is old school; he has traditional values, rough hands, and watches westerns like "Gunsmoke". An Old School Player (O.S.P) is different; they are commonly outlandish, shifty, and laugh really weird. These well-tenured romeos carry great influence on the youth of America, specifically young males. Coming into contact with old school playas brings guys to a critical transition in life: the older men become an example for their younger counterparts. Gentlemen decide f...

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I'm a Hater (Acknowledging Your Faults and Using to Reach Prosperity)

I, Cedric Charles Perry, am a hater. Whew...though it's tough to say, admission is the first step to recovery. It's a gene that has traveled throughout my family tree; my great-grandmother has been recognized as one of the more influential haters during the civil rights movement. My sister Dee actually holds the Pennsylvania state record for most consecutive statements using the word "corny", with 46. It appears that there are numerous types of haters; my type is called "Conditional Hater", where in attempts to create humor, I will break out in uncontrollable hating. Recognizing that this trait runs in my family, I was bound to be a hater and it's better for me to acknowledge this now and help others who share this condition. To better address this addiction, which currently affect approximately 3.6 million people in America (I made that number up), let's identify what hating is. Rapper LL Cool J once stated that hating is "identifying a perso...

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