Love and Slimmy Jeans: The Reality Show Post-Game Analysis

Yesterday was my first time watching the Vh-1 hit reality show, "Love and Hip-Hop". As evidenced by the flood of comments on my timeline and news feed, the show is beloved by African Americans both young and old. While reality shows are not necessarily my M.O., I see the attraction: drama, fighting, attractive women, and/or ignorance carries a certain appeal to people. Mix these features with hip hop personalities from our generation including Jim Jones, Juelz Santana (who my cousin swore she knew; "That's my name in the 'Shoutout' section!"), Fabolous and more, and you have a hit on your hands.

Duh-duh-duh-duh...Duh-duh-duh-duh-dayum.

I watched the show with Dashiki so she could quickly fill me in; I picked up the plot just in time as the light-skinned girl and the other light-skinned girl started fighting IMMEDIATELY. Wait...y'all want me to say names? Dag; alright. I think it was Erica and Kimbella (Folks, please don't name your daughters Kimbella, and don't raise your kids to change their name to Kimbella.)

So I watched the show and I mentally noted a few things to share with you. While that was probably my last time watching (unless...well, that ain't y'all business), I need to provide a fair assessment of the show.

1. Teairra Mari still looks good!
I couldn't co-sign all hard in front of Dashiki because that's inappropriate, but I can tell y'all because you all are my people. While I would prefer her recording in the studio, reading scripts, or doing something productive, she looked really nice. Tone body, elbows weren't ashy; the things guys really appreciate.

2. Moving backgrounds made the cut scenes much cooler.

The shifting background perfectly complimented Yandy's (Jim Jones manager and his boo-ski's rival) neck rolling and animated arm movements, known in my household as the "Bawk! Bawk! Chicken, Chicken...Chickenhead (Boy please!)". The "pan", as it is known in film circles, was a great effect choice. It provides action to what is normally considered a standstill scene.

Word Juelz?

3. Hip Hop stars can wear anything, and people will just rock out. If you rock it, you're a co-signer and you're corny.

Juelz Santana made an appearance on the show yesterday, and counseled Yandy on how to deal with her current beef. My beef was with Santana's skully. I like Santana's jacket, I like Santana's watch, I even liked "Santana's Town" (I got a whole selection, a whole collection), but not Santana's skully. JOKINGLY I asked Dashiki to cop me one. She replied, "You ain't gonna be around me with that!" Watch your tone, girl.

4. The producers time everything perfectly.

For those who are unaware, reality shows are scripted. I hate to break it to you, but if my parents could tell me at 12 wrestling wasn't real...IN ITS PRIME...then shorty, you go to deal with it. Yesterday Chrissy, Jim Jones' woman, told CAPO that she was tired of him being "emotionally unavailable" and took a random vacation in Miami. During her night out in Miami with the girls she starts crying, balling about him not stepping up. Just like the Ultimate Warrior back in '92, Jim Jones comes out of NOWHERE and pulls her to the side, saying, "Yo can I talk to you?" After setting her up like he had beef, he pulls a ring out his pocket (it took a minute though...you know, slimmy jeans) and proposed. It was perfect; I could imagine the director now: "Ok James, wait a minute...do you have the ring? Ok, a little bit longer...wait for the white guy to pass...NOW!" That's how it should be on TV. Fellas, if YOU follow your girl to Miami, she might leave you. Don't wear slimmy jeans; you need to get that ring out quickly.

Capo Casanova.

5. Ending a tomfoolery-filled episode with love was a good touch.

Let's not get this twisted; we still need some sitcoms on television. Everyone can't indulge on all this ignorance. The show however added a touch of class and a subliminal moral by showing Jim Jones proposing to his woman. As a man out here trying to live right, it's good to see a brother take care of his business. If you have someone good that is willing to love the good and understand the bad, you better handle that! Don't be the guy (or girl) texting after you're opportunity passed. Good job, James.

6. I don't know...good graphics.

Just felt the need to make a 6th point.

Overall, the show was interesting. I'm praying for Olivia; once you go the reality show route, your recording career is a wrap. I liked her on "Candy Shop", but the "Best Friend (remix)" was wack-dizzle. I better get back to business though. Peace out.

"What's Up, Youngblood?": A Deeper Look At The Old School Player

They are found pretty much everywhere: at the supermarket, on the second floor at your job, and especially at family reunions. Though conspicuous in nature, this species is easy to spot. No I'm not talking about roaches, you heathen; I'm talking about the "Old School Player", aka a "piiimmmmp". Now it is important to differentiate between an Old School Player and a man who is simply "old school". My father, known affectionately as Charles Perry (please say the full name), is old school; he has traditional values, rough hands, and watches westerns like "Gunsmoke". An Old School Player (O.S.P) is different; they are commonly outlandish, shifty, and laugh really weird. These well-tenured romeos carry great influence on the youth of America, specifically young males. Coming into contact with old school playas brings guys to a critical transition in life: the older men become an example for their younger counterparts. Gentlemen decide f...

The Nice Guy Rules

"Nice guys finish last." What a hogwash statement. Seriously; it's baloney, maybe even pastrami. Through entertainment, business, and romance, the belief is that a man with etiquette and morals is one with diseases, like the measles or swine flu. When you turn on your television or read your news...kindle, you witness arrogant, womanizing egomaniacs praised as charismatic men with undeniable "swagger". Men who are interested in helping others and making people enjoy themselves are undervalued. The result is young men trying too hard. These men, known as "Nice Guys", are seen as sweet people who are great to know and make you laugh, but are OFTEN over looked for men who...use less effort to receive approval. As a teen and in my early college years, I played into this. It's such a weird feeling; you become enamored with doing right by people, as if it determines whether people will like you. Half the time, if you are "too" nice, peo...

I'm a Hater (Acknowledging Your Faults and Using to Reach Prosperity)

I, Cedric Charles Perry, am a hater. Whew...though it's tough to say, admission is the first step to recovery. It's a gene that has traveled throughout my family tree; my great-grandmother has been recognized as one of the more influential haters during the civil rights movement. My sister Dee actually holds the Pennsylvania state record for most consecutive statements using the word "corny", with 46. It appears that there are numerous types of haters; my type is called "Conditional Hater", where in attempts to create humor, I will break out in uncontrollable hating. Recognizing that this trait runs in my family, I was bound to be a hater and it's better for me to acknowledge this now and help others who share this condition. To better address this addiction, which currently affect approximately 3.6 million people in America (I made that number up), let's identify what hating is. Rapper LL Cool J once stated that hating is "identifying a perso...

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