Time Travel (Searching for Development)

Call it an "out of body" experience. Clearing through old SLAM magazines and basketball trophy from my "glory days", I was totally shocked to find my journal amongst the clutter. A marble notebook labeled "Ceddy P Journal; CU Mutha@#%as" detailed one of the most compelling, creative, and bittersweet periods in my life. Moments like the one I became ingrained in today are exhilarating; for a half-hour, I was traveling through time re-living my life. Truthfully, reading my journal helped me recapture the love of writing books that has been missing for an extended period of time. As Pick 6 continues to grow, "Late for Work" slowly collects dust on my shelf through no fault of its own. There has been a true lack of motivation to continue my career as an author, but a well placed gem has helped me reconnect with an important part of me.

While assisting in the recovery of my passion, reading my journal simultaneously detailed my progress as a man, lover, friend, and professional. Not to hype my journal up (It's not Anne Frank's or anything), but the notebook chronicles my inner conflict between wants and needs. At the time, my desires of the flesh and requirements of the heart were not synchronized (Insert Lil' Wayne "Synchronized Swimmers" line lol) and commonly met on the battleground. Throughout the struggle, I seek clarity through the actions of others, instead of mastering my own fate. My wish was to clear my name by waiting for someone else to remove themselves from my life. Doesn't work like that. As my birthday nears (Aries baby), it is now clear to me that you can only control your involvement in a situation. My daily goal is to be accountable for my actions, and that goal is always attainable.

The journal also has a moment of humor, as I detail my love for my college sweetheart. It reminds me of the daily Facebook love blabber; truly sickening. No longer do I have any room to talk, because I was straight sprung! Well on second thought...it wasn't on the world wide web. Nonetheless, it was surreal to see what kind of insight I had as a young, vibrant 20 year old. Now that I'm back in the present, I think I'm time to get back to writing, living, and loving.

Ceddy P

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