Ooh yeah! Ooh yeah! Ooh…sorry, practicing my Jodeci vocals; what’s going on everybody? I pray that everything is going well for you and yours. A few notes before we begin: Redskins prevail again, so I must shout out Donovan McNabb (aka Run DMc) and the Redskins “Who You?” Nation. We don’t ask “Who Dat?” like the Saints fans. When you come to our field talking nonsense, we say, “Who You?” Secondly, I want to say Happy Birthday in advance to my Dad, Charles Perry. He exemplifies the terms manhood and fatherhood, and without him, I would not be able to introduce the Charles Perry Line of The Day. Occasionally we will bring in some of the highlights of my conversations with my father. So here’s Daddy on being the “cool guy”:
“I told since you were younger, stop worrying about being the ‘cool guy’. Be smart, and you’ll be the cool guy’s boss. Remember his woman, the chick everyone was so hype over? She’s broke, beat-down, and has as many kids as she has teeth: 6. That’s Pick 6 for you.”
Today I want to address an epidemic touching communities everywhere. During the week I spend most nights writing and editing sketches, but at least twice a week I try to talk to my business partner and good friend Whitney aka Woman. After we handle business, we’ll chat for a few and discuss everyday topics, and we stumbled across the interesting subject of “Baby Mamas” and the commitment to avoid becoming one. As she put it, “It’s my one wish. Lord, please don’t allow me to become one.” As I assured her that she would not “transform” into one, I began to wonder: How do so many women become simply known as a baby mama? Of equal importance, how do brothers gravitate to the land of “Baby Daddy-Dom”? Is this a characteristic we’re born with, or is BDD (Baby Daddy Disorder) a developed syndrome?
I truly believe that BDD (or BMS for females) is a learned behavior, and the initial hypothesis would be that too many people are banging. If we examine this difficult scenario we may find a few more areas of opportunity.
Instant Gratification: The ultimate feeling that unprotected sex brings is overpowering the consequence of having a baby with unprotected POCKETS. Couple that feeling with the influence of alcohol and/or drugs, and people are making long-term decisions off short-term needs.
Lack of Sexual Education: Women are becoming pregnant even WITH condoms? What the young jeezy? Too often, people are putting condoms on incorrectly, unaware of the condom ripping (going too hard, playa), or do not check the condoms following sex.
Stranger Sex: Many “couples” are being intimate very early in the relationship, building faulty foundations off penetration instead of conversation.
These are a just a few of the problems that surround the relationship and intimacy arena. People of all ages are falling into these traps, face-first, and by the time they recognize all actions have consequence, that pregnancy test is changing colors. Now the female has taken on the responsibility of nurturing a baby when they are babies themselves. Secondly, the male who was man enough to get the drawers, is now as fearful as a boy on the first day of school. I understand; in one blink, you’ve gained the ultimate responsibility in fatherhood, and lost the ultimate happiness of your own youth. Being fearful is different from being a coward, however; Real men don’t run from their responsibilities. Faced with raising a child together, the two finally are forced to look at their counterpart for who they are outside the bedroom, and they don’t like it.
No longer can we fall into this way of living. No longer can we continue killing our chances of two parent households. No longer can we teach these to our youth. So how do we avoid this? Here are my suggestions:
1. Calm Down. Number of sex partners will never be included in the measure of a great man. They don’t put that in your obituary. No one cares at the end of the day, so no need to risk your health to prove a point. Ladies, it’s the opposite with you. People do care about your numbers, so be selective.
2. Have an Actual Conversation With Your Potential “Drawers”. Talk to them. Find out their goals, their aspirations, what they’re allergic to. My philosophy on sex partners: No one I would be embarrassed to call my girl or have a baby with.
3. Always Protect Yourself. Know your status. Know your partner’s status. READ THE CONDOM DIRECTIONS. When you finish, do the “water test” (fill your condom with water and squeeze it at the shaft portion to check for leaks)
4. If You Get Pregnant, It’s Not the End. Breathe; this is the moment when being calm is most important. Sit down, express your feelings to your partner and LISTEN to your partner. Develop your goals and objectives for the baby, reach out to SENSIBLE PARENTS, and write out a plan.
5. Don’t Diss the Other Parent. If you do separate, spare your child the “No Good Baby Daddy” talk. You are developing a hatred for your ex in your baby that has nothing to do with them. The baby doesn’t have to have a bad relationship with their father/mother because you do. Trust me; down the line they and your child’s potential suitor will hate you for it.
6. Teach Love. Allow your child to love and find love. It is crucial to give them an opportunity by giving them love and not speaking negatively about relationships, no matter your feelings.
With the moves (and these grooves) you can avoid being considered a Baby Momma/Daddy. It’s time to overcome this difficult period of love and relationships and return to the glory of special unions and strong families. I’m out. Peace, Passion, and Prosciutto.
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